One-Liner Walks Into A Bar Jokes

Shorter “Guy Walks Into A Bar” Bar Jokes

A collection of the best walks into a bar jokes.  The basic idea behind the ever-so-popular “a guy walks into a bar” or “a man walks into a bar” is that someone or something (real or unreal, animate or inanimate) walks into a bar and then the punchline happens.  Over the years, these walk into a bar jokes have morphed into practically anything walking into a bar.  There are literally too many of these bar jokes to list all of them here so we’ve tried to select some decent ones for your pleasure.So a guy walks into a bar

Some History Behind Walks into a Bar Jokes

The exact origin of the standard walks into a bar joke is said to have started with a joke involving a dry martini that appeared in the New York Times.  Maybe.  We’re paraphrasing a bit here but this is the basic joke as it apparently appeared in a 1952 New York Times paper in April.

A man walks into a bar and orders a very, very dry martini, telling the bartender to make it at a ratio of 25 to 1.  Somewhat startled by the request, the bartender precisely measures and pours the drink into the correct glass and proceeds to ask the man if he’d like a twist of lemon peel with his martini.  To which the man pounds his fist on the bar and yells “If I wanted a damn lemonade, I’d ask for one!”

See, told you – not the funniest bar joke you’ve heard, right?  I guess we had a different sense of humor back then.

All we know for sure is that we’re fairly certain bar jokes came out quite quickly after the emergence of the pub or bar itself.

Since it’s introduction, however, these types of bar jokes have been widely used by comedians and TV personalities alike.

So let’s see who’s walking into a bar…


 

Guy walks into a bar and yells, “All lawyers are assholes.”
The man at the end of the bar says” I object to that remark”.
The guy responds: “Why, are you a lawyer?”
“No, I’m an asshole”, says the man.

 

An Irishman walks by a bar…it could happen.

A guy walks into a wedding reception. He goes up to the Bartender and asks, “Is this the punch line?”

 So Jesus walks into a bar and says, “I’ll just have a glass of water.”

A guy walks into a bar. Bartender asks, “how’s it going?”
“Okay, I guess. Holding my own.”
“That’s good.” replied the bartender. “You’d get arrested if you held someone else’s.”


Thomas Edison walks into a bar and orders a beer.
The bartender says, “Okay, I’ll serve you,
but just don’t get any ideas.”

A guy walks into a bar. He asks the bartender,
“Do you have any helicopter flavored potato chips?”
The bartender shakes his head and says, “No, we only have plain.”

A rabbi, a priest, and a Lutheran minister walk into a bar.
The bartender looks up and says, “Is this some kind of joke?”

A guy walks into a bar and sees a dog lying in the corner licking his balls. He turns to the bartender and says,
“Boy, I wish I could do that.”
The Bartender replies, “You’d better try petting him first.”

A guy walks in……ok, he did not walk in, he was already there. One guy says, “I slept with my wife before we were married, did you?”. The other guy says, “I don’t know, what was her maiden name?”


A baby seal walks into a bar, the bartender says, “What will it be stranger?” The seal responds, “I’ll have anything as long it is not a Canadian club.”

So…. a baby seal walked into a club…

A mushroom walks into a bar and orders a drink.
The bartender says, “I can’t serve you.”
The mushroom says, “Why not? I’m a fun-guy.”


A woman and a duck walk into a bar.
The bartender says, “Where’d you get the pig.”
The woman says, “That’s not a pig, that’s a duck.”
He says, “I was talking to the duck.”

A jumper cable walks into a bar. The barman says
“I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.”

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One says, “I’ve lost my electron.”
The other says, “Are you sure?”
The first replies, “Yes, I’m positive…”



A non-renewable natural resource walks in to a bar
and orders a tall glass of whiskey.
The bar tender says “sorry friend, I can’t serve you; you’ve been getting wasted all day long!”

 

Looking for more hilarity?  Check out our other bar joke pages below.

One-Liner Walks Into a Bar Jokes

Walks Into a Bar Jokes: Longer Jokes (but just as funny)

Funny Bar Jokes – a handful of other jokes that we deem worthy enough to be have a home on our site.

More Great Jokes plus Holiday Jokes – here are another dozen or so jokes that include some Halloween jokes, Thanksgiving jokes and Christmas jokes.

 

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